Things are going well, really well. We have never been this far in the process and we are waiting with bated breath. We passed our investigation and received court documents in the mail on Friday. Yay!!! So we are getting SO much closer!! I will be talking to our case worker on Monday or Tuesday to figure out what exactly I need to do with the paperwork. THEN our lawyer in Uganda will file for a court date!!! So excited and hopeful. It is only a matter of months now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a lot of light:)
I just cannot imagine what it will really be like. I am so used to the way things are now, the four of us. I wonder about the personality of the girls. Annet seems so spunky and social. I have gotten some really cute pictures of her and she has a smile that lights up a room. She also has this really cute way of looking out the corner of her eyes and smiling, makes me want to eat her up. Joy hasn't shown me a smile yet. The few pictures I have of her show a beautiful and serious little girl. She seems to have some significant speech delays so I am interested to meet her and see where she is. I just want to hug and squeeze her, to make her belly laugh.
I have been trying to prepare the boys somewhat for when the girls come home. I have told both of them, especially Jack that it probably will not be quite like they expect. I read a blog post not long ago about a family's transition that was rough, how the sibling relationship hadn't developed like they thought it would. It was different than how they imagined it would be. I was explaining to Jack how we have been thinking about, praying about, and been excited about getting new siblings for over 2 years now. How they might not even know about us yet. How they might not be so excited to be over here in the beginning. I have tried to explain how much they will be giving up and how scared they might be. I have explained that some of his feelings might not be so happy and that is okay. How he and Luke will be giving up some things and they might not be so happy either. How all feelings are okay, good or bad.
It is hard for me to imagine what all the girls will be going through in the next few months. I cannot imagine the confusion and even heartache they will feel in the beginning. Their life has been so full of disruption and change. They have known true hunger and they know what it is to be without. Now they know the love of the staff at the orphanage, they know what it is to have a full belly and a place to stay. They look amazing and the home where there are is great. I feel like about the time they have started to relax or already relaxed then it will change again.
I fully expect them to resent that change on some level, even if they don't even know what it is they are feeling. I am sure they won't know how to process what is even going on. I am sure there will be some hard days to come. I am also sure that our God is big enough to meet those needs. I know that God has orchestrated all of this to put our family together. I also know that in a perfect world they would have been able to stay with their first mom and be taken care of. I grieve that they will always have a void, they will always wonder what if. Or maybe not, who knows? I think every child asks those questions on some level. Wondering what it would be like to be born to another family, another life.
I know these are questions, concerns that play out over years and lifetimes. I get intimidated when I read too much, try to prepare too much. The bottom line is that I think God can redeem every situation if He is allowed and let in. That God moves in the darkness and sheds His light. That we can be a wonderfully happy, healthy, and whole family. I believe that we will be. I can picture them here, I walk in their room and picture putting them to bed, reading stories, saying prayers. I can picture us all around the dinner table and it makes me smile. I can picture them laughing with their brothers, and their brothers watching over them.
So much goes through this head of mine. So many thoughts, worries, and dreams. We are close and I am ready to be TOGETHER. We can begin to live out what we have dreamed of for so long. What a wonderful day that will be. No matter the road I am ready to start walking!
