Tuesday, November 26, 2013

My time in Africa


I have had a hard time sitting down to write.  So many thoughts are always flooding my mind.  So I thought forget it, here goes

It was amazing to be back in Africa.  I LOVED it.  I totally forgot about this adventurous side of me that loves to travel.  The side of me that loves new places and new faces.  I am a homebody to be sure BUT I would travel the world if I could.  

The moment we got off the plane I took a deep breath and smelled "the smell"....  Smokey, trashy, almost spicy.  I don't know what it is about that smell but I like it.  I felt more at home and at peace than I thought I would.  It was familiar to me.  My mother also smelled the smell, she didn't have the same thoughts I did:)  It is funny how that smell is so distinct to me, how it is such a piece of Africa to me.  

We made it to the car with our driver at about 1am or a little after.  I was reminded just a few short minutes after getting in the car how crazy African driving is.  Even in the middle of the night there were pedestrians and animals all along the side of the road.  Boda bodas (scooter/motorcycles) everywhere, weaving in and out of traffic.  Some with good headlights, some not so much.  Adventure right?

We stayed in a guesthouse the first night.  We drove through the red-light district.  So many clubs and bars and people everywhere.  We drove straight up a hill.  By hill I mean really steep hill with such huge deep ruts that I thought our 4wheel drive Land Rover might not make it up.  It was very clean and secure though.  The power went out about an hour after we got there.  Talk about dark.....I was able to text and Skype a little with Kenny when we got there and that was great.  I also got to text my buddy Kelsey, she had hooked me up with a great app called WhatsApp.  Fantastic b/c its free and all you need is wifi.  Probably most people know about it though...

I was so excited to actually be in Africa.  I love the crowds, the smells, the sights, I don't mind filthy dirty feet.  I am fascinated to be there and see everything I can.  We were in the capitol the first night and drove on out to Jinja the next day.  

We spent a week in Jinja which is where our girls live.  We stayed in a guesthouse run by Sole Hope and it was great.  Clean with running water and flushing toilets.  No air condition but fans.  It was really, really hot the first four or five days and then it started raining in the afternoons and cooled off quite a bit.  The guesthouse was so great though.  The organization Sole Hope is doing some amazing things with jiggers and the effect they have on children.  They are a flea that buries itself in feet and then lays eggs.  They are painful and can cause serious problems including infection and gangrene,  Dru and Asher Collie run the program, they are from Asheville, NC.  Asher saw a you tube video and they decided to do something about it.  They moved their whole family out to Uganda.  They clean feet and remove  jiggers in the areas affected.  Then they give the kids shoes to protect them from more jiggers.  They hire Ugandans to make the shoes out of local materials and material that people send over.  A lot of the shoes are made out of old pairs of jeans with rubber tire soles.  So inspiring to see people see a need and then meet the need.  So glad we could support them in some way.

We spent the last 4 days in Kampala.  I really loved Jinja the most though.  It is technically a resort town and situated right on the Nile.  There is a good size town with lots of shops and a surprising number of places to eat.  We got around there mostly by boda which is like a scooter/motorcycle thing.  I loved it of course.  Maybe my mom liked it by the end?  She told them to go slow, she was a jaja after all, (i.e. grandmother) and they obliged.  It cost around $1-$5 for both of us each way depending on where we went.  Very cost effective.  We used a car sometimes, Ugandans don't do anything in the rain.

I was amazed at the technology over there.  I bought a phone at the airport and loaded minutes as I needed them.  Our boda drivers and car drivers all had phones, as did everyone else.  When I would call to set up a ride they would say, "Hello Madam Jenn, do you need a ride?"  It made it super easy to get around.  Even when we had to drive into Kampala with an hours notice I got a few phone numbers and had it set up in 5minutes.  Having the staff at Sole Hope and the family staying with us at the guesthouse was such a blessing.  We had names for everything.

I really couldn't believe all that we got accomplished.  We were able to meet with a new lawyer which I think will really help speed things along.  She is fantastic and has an amazing reputation.  Once we met with the first lawyer I just felt like we needed to make a change.  We STILL have some hurdles to leap but I really feel like if anyone can this done it would be her.  People that work with her cannot speak highly enough of her.  

We got to spend amazing time with the girls which is a whole other post.  As is the time we spent meeting with the girls birth family.  That was such a sacred and special time for me.  So surreal to be sitting in the home that the girls grew up in before the orphanage.  Humbling to say the very least.  Amazing.....

I can't wait to go back.  I am ready to go back whenever I can.  I told our lawyer that I could get on the plane anytime she needed me to:)

We have definitely made progress but still have a ways to go.  Switching lawyers involves significant cost and our trip made me realize how expensive the travel portion of our trip was going to be.  Trusting that God will provide and I know He will.  

We will need to redo some paperwork and get whatever our new lawyer needs.  She is a woman of faith and a strong woman, it radiates from her.  She is very thorough.  We had a two hour meeting with her.  I was hoping to leave with definite answers but the answers aren't completely clear until she  does her own investigative work.  She told me not to worry that we would get this done.  She estimated around 3-5 months to file for a court date which would give us a date in the spring.  

So hard to be back without the girls.  I don't regret a minute of the trip and I was blown away by what we did get accomplished.  Being able to see the girls and meet with everyone we met with was such a huge blessing.  

It solidified again for me too how important it will be to put some form of roots down in Africa.  To figure out a way to get back and see the girl's country, to see their first family when we can.  Africa is a wonderful country.  So different from what we are used to.

One of the hardest things for us was seeing the unending need spread out in front of you, in so many places.  It is overwhelming when you see the need.  BUT it is amazing to meet people and hear about people that are meeting needs one day at a time, one step at a time.

Africans are a very giving people.  They will give you the shirt off their back, even if that means they will go without.  They love their children and they love their country.  We found some neat organizations that we could partner with.  People of so many different backgrounds that are doing something about what they see.

I am looking forward to going back and trying to solidify some of those connections and see how we can help as a family.  To see how we can incorporate Africa into our family.  I don't want the girls to lose that connection, it is too important.  


The day I met you.....

I keep thinking back to the day I met my girls.  In flesh and in person.  The culmination of so many hopes and dreams.  The fruition of all of those prayers and tears.  The longing finally fulfilled.

My mom and I left Kampala that morning not knowing that today would be the day.  That this was THE day...  We got to Jinja and our facilitators told us we would go by the orphanage first.  I had talked to Sharon and we had planned to talk before I met the girls.  However, change of plans...

The girls were eating lunch.  There was no one on one time that day which was fine.  I really wanted to take things slow.   They finished their lunch and went down for their naps right after.  They were sitting at the big table in the middle of the room, eating HUGE quantities of rice and groundnut sauce.  I could not believe how much they were eating.  Maybe I will have two good eaters:)

I will never forget the first moments with both of them.  I was so emotional and trying to hold it in.  This was not the typical "gotcha day" video moment.  The girls wouldn't look at us.  I had planned on spending time with them but not letting them know who I really was.  That was the plan and the director agreed and I thought it was settled.  That ended up changing midway through the week and I was introduced as mama.  Both girls took to the name and voila, my name and plan had changed.

I remember very vividly the moment that Annet looked at me though.  I was standing to the side and watching her eat, I didn't think she even noticed me.  She turned her head to the side and she looked me dead in the eye.  It was surreal to be sharing her gaze and trying to figure out what she was thinking.  Her expression was so guarded but she held my gaze for a good 30seconds.  It took my breath away.  She has beautiful eyes and such a gentle spirit.  It was if she knew I was there for her.  Which of course I was.

I feel like that started a connection for us.  The beginning of knitting these two hearts together.

I didn't feel that connection with Joy.  She flat out ignored me and refused to look at me.  She would steal peeks out of the corner of her eye but there was no way that she was going to look me in the eye.  It was like that for her all week with the exception of the 2nd day.  The second day she was sick.

We walked in to the dining area.  She was sitting there holding her porridge cup to her lips but refusing to drink it.  I don't blame her really.  The nannys were fussing at her.  She had tears in her big brown eyes and she just wouldn't do it.  I sat down beside her and tried to get her to drink some but no dice.  I got her up, she went to the potty, and then I held her in my lap.

At first she was stiff and wouldn't relax.  I turned her toward me and started rubbing her back.  All of a sudden she relaxed and put her arms around me.  Her breathing slowed and her heart stopped racing.  She fell asleep and slept for about an hour.  She was a little warm that day, so much green drainage from her nose and a cough.  That was the beginning of our connection.
It was the only time she relaxed in my arms like that.  The only time she was truly relaxed in my arms.  Everyday we came it took her about 45min to an hour to give us any attention at all.  She is so hesitant and so unsure around me.  It breaks my heart.  The nannys would put her on my lap and make her sit with me.  I just told them to give her time.  That it will be slow, it takes time, etc.  I didn't want to force anything.  It will come though.

Joy has a beautiful smile and such a sweet sweet laugh.  She reserves most of those for her sister.  Every now and then I would get one.  She loves to swing and evidently having me take over the swing set for her and Annet was a big big deal.  We swang and swang and they laughed and laughed and I would have stayed there for hours....

They really love each other and find comfort in each other and for that I am truly grateful.  They will have each other and I think it will be really good for them to have that bond.  Annet certainly looks out for Joy.  She takes care of her and checks in on her.

The second day we came to the orphanage Annet ran to meet us.  She laughed and jumped right in my arms.  Turns out she does that for a lot of muzungos, i.e. white people.  She did hang around a lot though.  Most days she stayed right by our sides, mostly mine:)  I kept her on my lap or by my side whenever I could.  I knew the days would fly by and it would be time to go.  

She is such a caring little girl.  She carries babies all day long and really has a knack for it.  She helps with the special needs kids and gets them to laugh.  I really see such a servant's heart in her.

It has been so difficult to be here and not over there with them.  I have been trying to focus in on the boys and really hunker down with them.  I know that we will be leaving them again, hopefully sooner rather than later.  I want to pour in as much as I can.

The day we left was awful.  I was sick and could barely get out of bed and walk around.  The room spun and I felt dizzy all day, stupid GI bug.  It meant I couldn't leave the house in the morning and we only had a few hours in the afternoon.  It was so sad.

Joy didn't react one way or the other.  She looked at me directly but didn't react when I told her goodbye.  She just went back to playing with her friends.  I guess it was better that way.

Annet broke my heart though.  We told her goodbye and she just shut down.  I have several pictures of when she does this.  It is like she just folds in on herself.  She wouldn't make eye contact and turned her little body away from mine.  Her face went blank.

I thought my heart would break.  I felt like if I let go one little millimeter I would never get myself back together.  I wonder if the mama's thought I was cold or unfeeling?  I most definitely was not, I just knew that I would fall into a million little pieces if I gave in a little.

I am so glad I went to see my babies.  They are real and they are cemented in my heart.  I know that they will fit in our family just right.  I know that there will be challenges but I also know that there will be happy times and good times as well.

It solidified for me what we are doing.  This is right and this is good.  This is what we were called to.  Not because we are heroes or good people.  Not because these girls need saving.  These two girls need a family.  We can be that family and we wouldn't have it any other way.  I was so sad that KB couldn't be there but he will be soon.  He will fall in love just like I did.

My heart is totally split.  I want to get on a plane today.  Trying to be patient and really trying to trust in God's timing.  God knows so much more than I do and His plan is perfect.

One day I will put up pictures and everyone can see for themselves what our babies look like.  I will include some pics of the orphanage though.  Can't tell you who's who though.

The orphanage does amazing work.  Sharon the director is such a fantastic person.  We got to spend a lot of time with her and both of us were so, so blessed.  She is such a caring and kind person.  Jesus shines through her in so many ways.  She does amazing work with the little resources that she has.

Reunification is her first goal.  She longs for families to be kept together and does everything within in her power to keep families together.  The mamas take good care of the children.  We had some really sweet conversation with some of them.  I was able to express my gratitude for all of the hard work we do.  It is hard work let me tell you!  I got in the trenches with them and tried to help out when I could.  My mom wasn't allowed to do any of the "heavy" or "dirty" work.  Jaja's (grandmothers)  are very respected and revered in Ugandan culture.  I might have teased her about this:)

These are pictures of the grounds and of the orphanage.  Can't wait to go back.....