Last night I had the privilege of being loved and cared for by a very special group of ladies. It was such a special, special time. I will never forget it. I heard so many words of wisdom, good advice, and had so many words of love spoken over me. I was prayed for at the end and it was amazing. The presence of God was so very real at that moment and all the moments since. It was Holy ground and I was so humbled to be a part of it.
I felt like I was heard and seen, and nobody turned away. This adoption process has refined me in so many ways. I have learned to trust in God and His promises more than I ever have before. My pain has been laid out, my tears have been shed many times over, there have been ups and downs along the way. It was so precious to have people see and want to know all of it. To know how I was feeling, where we were, what I needed prayer for. These women are godly, godly women. I trust their words. I trust their hearts. It was a beautiful thing. To have women want to be in community even though they have never walked this road personally. I love the body of Christ. That in the best way we carry each other's burdens, we walk beside, we cry and laugh together.
I left with hope. I left with peace. I left happier than I came. I left with laughter in my heart and a smile on my lips. My joy is not in my circumstance or what has happened in the moment. My joy is in the Father and His love and plan for my life. I will walk through trials and be the better for it. My main prayer request was to walk through this in the "right" way. Not that I do it perfectly or have a checklist, but that my focus is right. That I am pointing my family to God through this. I was reminded last night how big a role that it is, that in so many ways my family looks to me to set the tone. I am by no means perfect and I will fail, so many times. BUT I will do my best and God will walk with me.
As I was talking I realized again how blessed I am. My husband is amazing. He loves me well through it all. He is a voice of calm and reason in this storm. He listens to my rants, listens to all the crazy come pouring out. He makes me laugh when I didn't think I had it in me. My kids are amazing, I see them process this and open their hearts to this. They are learning faith, what it means to walk towards something even when they can't figure out what it really is and what it really means for them. Jack says all the time he is excited but a little bit jealous too. His eyes are opened to need, to poverty. He glimpses another world that is so different from his own. Some people have asked if it is too much for my kids, shouldn't they just be kids and be happy. I say no, not now and not ever. This is bigger than them, bigger than our family. Their hearts can be opened and changed early and to Kenny and I that is best. To see God's heart right here, right now. To live not for themselves but to put feet to their faith.
God is good and God is great. He met me last night in a beautiful way through the love and prayer of friends. I am blessed and so grateful for them.
