So, this is really just a mind dump post. I feel crazy lately, too many things swirling around in my head. I feel like I am on high alert all the time and that kinda stinks. I have been doing some reading about how at risk and traumatized kids have high cortisol levels. How their stress level is constantly so high so that when something negative happens they overreact and have responses that are not what we would consider proportionate. Well, I feel that! I live that! Not really, not compared to what those sweet little hearts have been through but...... I have been getting looks from my husband and kids. You know the one, the one where you do something a little over the top and they look at you like you are crazy. Yep, that's the look! Oh well, for better or worse right?
We are still in a holding pattern. We are waiting for them to obtain paperwork for the kiddos, namely a death certificate for Isaiah's birth mom. Kenny has been patiently reminding me that even in the United States it can take two to three weeks to get a death certificate. So, it is anybody's guess as to how long this will take. I hope they get it today :):) Patience has never been my strongest virtue. I have people tell me how patient I am but if they knew the real me on the inside I don't think they would be saying that. Besides, all that crazy behavior is reserved for inside the four walls of my house, unfortunately.
Jack and Luke are so, so excited. One of Luke's first questions of the day is "when are we going to adopt?" I wish I had a better answer. Jack always sighs and says "who knows" or "she doesn't know". It is always in this martyred, half accusing voice. It makes me laugh, every time. Luke has also been using the imminent arrival of Hope and Isaiah to try and get toys, water guns, extra food, whatever suits his fancy. "It's for the kids mom!" Hopefully all of this new found generosity will stick around once everyone is home. I can't wait for all four of them to be together and running around the house. One good thing about the wait is that we will probably be bringing the little ones home in the summer. I think it will be great for them to all be together and bond before school starts back.
Sometimes I sit and try to imagine what it will be like. I can't even really picture it. I sit in their room all the time, in the rocker in the corner. I pray for them and think about them and just dream about how it will be. Words cannot express the love I already feel, the way I can't wait to get them here. I have sat in every nursery we have had and rocked and prayed those babies into the world. It is an exciting, bittersweet time. I wish I could put up their pictures, but one day we will:) One day I will rock them to sleep and read to them and just watch the crazy going on all around me. I can't wait for that day!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
A New Home
So, things are moving, things are changing, never in the way I expect them to. I am so so ready to go get my babies! I don't know that many people can understand the depth of love and feeling I have for these two. I look at their pictures and they just fit. It is as if my heart had holes just their shape and they just fit and I am filled with joy, with love, with a weight of responsibility. I love them and can't wait to meet them, to hold their hands, kiss their cheeks, all of it. I just need to get over there!
I am filled with anxiety, filled with nervousness right now. The kids just got moved into a home and out of their families' home. They will be living with other kids in the slum, the organization that runs the feeding program in their area runs the home. It was unexpected for me. I knew it was a possibility but somehow I thought they would stay where they were. There are obvious benefits such as better food, better medical care, etc. AND they will get to meet each other and spend time together before we get over there. I think that is a special blessing and I am so glad they will know each other and have each other. I pray for their hearts all the time, Isaiah has never been in any other home than his grandmother's and I can't begin to think what must be going through his little head. Hope has moved around before but still, just one more transition. A transition I had hoped they wouldn't have to make. I spent the first afternoon I found out in tears, and many tears were shed at work that night. I just don't want them to go through any more than they have to. Their story is being written out before our eyes and it pains me.
We hope that we will get a court date soon. There have been changes with the kids, in their status and those changes need to be reflected in the paperwork. They hope to have all the documentation and changes to the paperwork made by next week. Then we can sign the papers and get them to Kampala. I hope it is next week, I hope it is soon!
I know there is a master plan and that gives me comfort, but my human mind is getting in my way. I feel on edge all the time, I am crabby, I want to get this part over with! I am reminded that this is where the hand of God works the most though. That in these times God is strongest, biggest, and closer. That through these trials I am gaining perspective and growing, being made into someone different, someone who has been tested and sees that God is good. I give the pain of not knowing, the pain of their little lives over to Him. I am reminded that God Himself knows the pain of seeing His child in pain. God Himself watched His son die on that cross. The tears I shed have been shed by my Heavenly Father. I don't claim to know the same pain that He know, after all my pain is a drop in the bucket comparatively.
I am reminded of those first dark months after Luke's cerebral palsy diagnosis. How it was like seeing and walking through mud. I knew God was there, I saw Him over and over again but it didn't take away the pain, the questions, the deep desire to know how it was all going to work out. It was a hard, dark time but one of the most beautiful times of my life. To have walked through trials before, to have come out on the other side makes it easier. To have seen God's grace, His provision over and over again. I laugh at myself all the time as I watch Luke run and bulldoze his way through life. He has a sweet tender side, but he is tenacious, what he wants he will get. I love his tenacity. I love his bullheadedness. I love him. I love that through it all Kenny and I became closer than we had ever been and we remain strong today. I love that his brother's already tender heart grew even softer, that he watches over him. I love that God took the ugly and made it wonderful and beautiful. I wish Luke had never had to struggle but all of that work and angst made him and our family who it is today.
These thoughts and reminders fill me with peace (if I let them). I may not see the path laid out before me, my own sinful nature and anxiety hide the way. However, I have walked the unknown before, I have come out the other side and been the better for it. I can take one step and then another. Praise God for who He is, praise Him for the work He has done. He has His hands on ALL my children. I will get them in His perfect timing and that is enough
I am filled with anxiety, filled with nervousness right now. The kids just got moved into a home and out of their families' home. They will be living with other kids in the slum, the organization that runs the feeding program in their area runs the home. It was unexpected for me. I knew it was a possibility but somehow I thought they would stay where they were. There are obvious benefits such as better food, better medical care, etc. AND they will get to meet each other and spend time together before we get over there. I think that is a special blessing and I am so glad they will know each other and have each other. I pray for their hearts all the time, Isaiah has never been in any other home than his grandmother's and I can't begin to think what must be going through his little head. Hope has moved around before but still, just one more transition. A transition I had hoped they wouldn't have to make. I spent the first afternoon I found out in tears, and many tears were shed at work that night. I just don't want them to go through any more than they have to. Their story is being written out before our eyes and it pains me.
We hope that we will get a court date soon. There have been changes with the kids, in their status and those changes need to be reflected in the paperwork. They hope to have all the documentation and changes to the paperwork made by next week. Then we can sign the papers and get them to Kampala. I hope it is next week, I hope it is soon!
I know there is a master plan and that gives me comfort, but my human mind is getting in my way. I feel on edge all the time, I am crabby, I want to get this part over with! I am reminded that this is where the hand of God works the most though. That in these times God is strongest, biggest, and closer. That through these trials I am gaining perspective and growing, being made into someone different, someone who has been tested and sees that God is good. I give the pain of not knowing, the pain of their little lives over to Him. I am reminded that God Himself knows the pain of seeing His child in pain. God Himself watched His son die on that cross. The tears I shed have been shed by my Heavenly Father. I don't claim to know the same pain that He know, after all my pain is a drop in the bucket comparatively.
I am reminded of those first dark months after Luke's cerebral palsy diagnosis. How it was like seeing and walking through mud. I knew God was there, I saw Him over and over again but it didn't take away the pain, the questions, the deep desire to know how it was all going to work out. It was a hard, dark time but one of the most beautiful times of my life. To have walked through trials before, to have come out on the other side makes it easier. To have seen God's grace, His provision over and over again. I laugh at myself all the time as I watch Luke run and bulldoze his way through life. He has a sweet tender side, but he is tenacious, what he wants he will get. I love his tenacity. I love his bullheadedness. I love him. I love that through it all Kenny and I became closer than we had ever been and we remain strong today. I love that his brother's already tender heart grew even softer, that he watches over him. I love that God took the ugly and made it wonderful and beautiful. I wish Luke had never had to struggle but all of that work and angst made him and our family who it is today.
These thoughts and reminders fill me with peace (if I let them). I may not see the path laid out before me, my own sinful nature and anxiety hide the way. However, I have walked the unknown before, I have come out the other side and been the better for it. I can take one step and then another. Praise God for who He is, praise Him for the work He has done. He has His hands on ALL my children. I will get them in His perfect timing and that is enough
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Just checking In
So, just checking in! We have got our referral 2weeks ago today. I still cannot believe it but the reality is starting to sink in.... We will be a family of 6 sometime in the next few weeks. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I am also so nervous I can hardly stand it :):) The reality, or rather the version I have crafted in my mind, can be a tad overwhelming. It is just crazy to think that these precious little ones will be joining us soon, especially since we were settling in for such a long wait. I look at their sweet faces all day and just wonder what they are doing, what they are thinking, if they are healthy and getting enough to eat. I wonder what people have been telling them. Do they know their whole life is about to be turned upside down? I hope they are being prepared, that they have an idea what's coming!
There is so much to do on this side. We have had to redo the Dossier, with three original copies of everything. I am so glad to say that it will be mailed out tomorrow. I cannot believe I did in 2weeks what took me 6 months to do originally. We are getting rooms ready. Jack and Luke have moved in together and seem to really like it. They like it a little better than me, just trying to relax and let them enjoy their time together. The newness will wear off soon and maybe they will run out of conversation ?? As Luke says, "I just haf to say somfin" and Jack says, "Mommy, I just have to listen and then I have to say somfin". Too cute, gotta love it. I am so glad they have each other.
Jack has been all over the place. We have had some really great conversations about jealousy, change, and trusting God with it all. He is such an emotional little guy, really sensitive and intuitive. He knows big changes are afoot and he is not so sure about the change part. He really is excited about his new brother and sister, just all too aware that things are about to be really different. Luke is "just so happy", his words. He is excited, not really sure of what to think. I'm not sure if he really has a clue what is in store for him, probably not.
Kenny and I are so excited, but just exhausted. We have both been running trying to get everything done. I am working extra hours to make sure I get my FMLA (approved leave, with benefits) so that doesn't help. I will be so glad to get the paperwork mailed tomorrow, that will be a huge relief, a big check mark:):) (and I love to check things off) We have a group that volunteered to come over next Saturday to paint and get Isaiah and Hope's room done. So that will be another big relief!! Just very overwhelmed right now.
I am so READY to go get them, to get them home and start our life with them. The Ugandan lawyer is filing paperwork this week and when that is complete we will receive a court date. We will travel over 2 weeks before that court date and be in country for 4-6 weeks if everything goes smoothly. I am surprised at how hard it is to leave the boys, I mean not really surprised, but it is so very very difficult to think of leaving them here. There is really no way to take them right now. They are not allowed to be at the court dates or official meetings so that is a big chunk of time where someone would have to watch them in-country. I think it will be good to have that time with Hope and Isaiah though, they are going to need all the love and time we can give them. I really have a peace that it will be the best thing for everyone. Family will be watching Jack and Luke so they will be well taken care of and I am glad they will have each other. Waiting on pins and needles for a court date, hopefully we will know by next week!
All in all we are doing great, just tired :) But then really, when are mommies and daddies not tired, so goes the life of a parent. We are beyond thrilled about these new precious babies. Praying for grace and strength for the journey. We are praying for the hearts of Hope and Isaiah, that God will begin to knit our hearts together and they will have a peace about joining our family. I am under no illusions that this will be a quick or easy process. Their life has been hard and anything but settled and routine. We have to convince them they are here to stay, that nobody is going anywhere. Join us as we pray! More updates to come!
There is so much to do on this side. We have had to redo the Dossier, with three original copies of everything. I am so glad to say that it will be mailed out tomorrow. I cannot believe I did in 2weeks what took me 6 months to do originally. We are getting rooms ready. Jack and Luke have moved in together and seem to really like it. They like it a little better than me, just trying to relax and let them enjoy their time together. The newness will wear off soon and maybe they will run out of conversation ?? As Luke says, "I just haf to say somfin" and Jack says, "Mommy, I just have to listen and then I have to say somfin". Too cute, gotta love it. I am so glad they have each other.
Jack has been all over the place. We have had some really great conversations about jealousy, change, and trusting God with it all. He is such an emotional little guy, really sensitive and intuitive. He knows big changes are afoot and he is not so sure about the change part. He really is excited about his new brother and sister, just all too aware that things are about to be really different. Luke is "just so happy", his words. He is excited, not really sure of what to think. I'm not sure if he really has a clue what is in store for him, probably not.
Kenny and I are so excited, but just exhausted. We have both been running trying to get everything done. I am working extra hours to make sure I get my FMLA (approved leave, with benefits) so that doesn't help. I will be so glad to get the paperwork mailed tomorrow, that will be a huge relief, a big check mark:):) (and I love to check things off) We have a group that volunteered to come over next Saturday to paint and get Isaiah and Hope's room done. So that will be another big relief!! Just very overwhelmed right now.
I am so READY to go get them, to get them home and start our life with them. The Ugandan lawyer is filing paperwork this week and when that is complete we will receive a court date. We will travel over 2 weeks before that court date and be in country for 4-6 weeks if everything goes smoothly. I am surprised at how hard it is to leave the boys, I mean not really surprised, but it is so very very difficult to think of leaving them here. There is really no way to take them right now. They are not allowed to be at the court dates or official meetings so that is a big chunk of time where someone would have to watch them in-country. I think it will be good to have that time with Hope and Isaiah though, they are going to need all the love and time we can give them. I really have a peace that it will be the best thing for everyone. Family will be watching Jack and Luke so they will be well taken care of and I am glad they will have each other. Waiting on pins and needles for a court date, hopefully we will know by next week!
All in all we are doing great, just tired :) But then really, when are mommies and daddies not tired, so goes the life of a parent. We are beyond thrilled about these new precious babies. Praying for grace and strength for the journey. We are praying for the hearts of Hope and Isaiah, that God will begin to knit our hearts together and they will have a peace about joining our family. I am under no illusions that this will be a quick or easy process. Their life has been hard and anything but settled and routine. We have to convince them they are here to stay, that nobody is going anywhere. Join us as we pray! More updates to come!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Referral!!!!
Wow! What a difference a few weeks make!
We have a referral!
We have a little boy 1year old (soon to be 2) and a little girl 2 years old!!!!
We are over the moon excited, can't wait to lay hands on them!!!! They are so beautiful and sweet. I can't post their pictures here but wow. I keep staring at their little faces ALL DAY LONG. He has such a puzzled look on his face, like what is going on. I just want to put a smile on that face. She has a cute little grin on her face, she might give me a run for my money:) and her hair!! So much of it!! I can't believe that in a few months there will be four little faces at my table. Life is going to change at the Brown house!
We are waiting for a travel date which might be as soon as a few weeks! We also have to obtain 3 more original dossiers in a few weeks. (the paperwork we chased to make this adoption possible, it originally took me months) We also need shots, a bedroom set up, a car that fits all the kids, and the list goes on and on:) We have A LOT to do! Gives me something to do with my nervous energy!
After we get our travel date then Kenny and I will head over for 4-6weeks if everything goes well and smoothly. The boys will be staying here with family most likely. That is a big gulp moment for me. I feel both options could work, but really think their staying here will be the best option. I cannot imagine being away from the boys that long though..... I can't wait to have that undivided attention with the new "littles" though.....
It is so daunting to really sit and think about bringing these new littles home. So much in their life is going to change. I am sure they will be looking at us thinking, well I'm not sure what they will think. I do know they have had a hard, tumultuous life so far. I won't be sharing specifics here. We really need to think through what we will share and what we won't. Their story is theirs and I want to respect their privacy. It's funny because when we originally started this process we were thinking babies and now we are bringing home toddlers. Wild.
I should have a lot more to say in the next few weeks and coming months! So grateful to God that He has blessed us so richly. I soooo wanted two little ones and we got them. I just read back over my last post, what a difference! I am leaning on Him and His peace right now. I am jittery, on edge, ready to go right now. To think of them in such a hard place with little resources drives me a little crazy. I am already so in love. I keep looking at my pictures and saying to myself, there you are, that is the hole that has been waiting to be filled by you.
We are still deciding on names. Right now the little boy is named Staton and the little girl is named Namazi. Big decision!
So this post is all over the place, just like my brain:) I am so so thrilled, so so happy. The boys are excited and trying to process what all this really means. Luke just says he is "happy". Jack is excited but more cautious, he has added a new sibling before:) He had a hard time adjusting the first go round with Luke so it is interesting to watch those wheels turn in his head!
More info to come!
We have a referral!
We have a little boy 1year old (soon to be 2) and a little girl 2 years old!!!!
We are over the moon excited, can't wait to lay hands on them!!!! They are so beautiful and sweet. I can't post their pictures here but wow. I keep staring at their little faces ALL DAY LONG. He has such a puzzled look on his face, like what is going on. I just want to put a smile on that face. She has a cute little grin on her face, she might give me a run for my money:) and her hair!! So much of it!! I can't believe that in a few months there will be four little faces at my table. Life is going to change at the Brown house!
We are waiting for a travel date which might be as soon as a few weeks! We also have to obtain 3 more original dossiers in a few weeks. (the paperwork we chased to make this adoption possible, it originally took me months) We also need shots, a bedroom set up, a car that fits all the kids, and the list goes on and on:) We have A LOT to do! Gives me something to do with my nervous energy!
After we get our travel date then Kenny and I will head over for 4-6weeks if everything goes well and smoothly. The boys will be staying here with family most likely. That is a big gulp moment for me. I feel both options could work, but really think their staying here will be the best option. I cannot imagine being away from the boys that long though..... I can't wait to have that undivided attention with the new "littles" though.....
It is so daunting to really sit and think about bringing these new littles home. So much in their life is going to change. I am sure they will be looking at us thinking, well I'm not sure what they will think. I do know they have had a hard, tumultuous life so far. I won't be sharing specifics here. We really need to think through what we will share and what we won't. Their story is theirs and I want to respect their privacy. It's funny because when we originally started this process we were thinking babies and now we are bringing home toddlers. Wild.
I should have a lot more to say in the next few weeks and coming months! So grateful to God that He has blessed us so richly. I soooo wanted two little ones and we got them. I just read back over my last post, what a difference! I am leaning on Him and His peace right now. I am jittery, on edge, ready to go right now. To think of them in such a hard place with little resources drives me a little crazy. I am already so in love. I keep looking at my pictures and saying to myself, there you are, that is the hole that has been waiting to be filled by you.
We are still deciding on names. Right now the little boy is named Staton and the little girl is named Namazi. Big decision!
So this post is all over the place, just like my brain:) I am so so thrilled, so so happy. The boys are excited and trying to process what all this really means. Luke just says he is "happy". Jack is excited but more cautious, he has added a new sibling before:) He had a hard time adjusting the first go round with Luke so it is interesting to watch those wheels turn in his head!
More info to come!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A Whole Lot of Nothing.....
Soooo, I have sat to down to write so many times and given up. I just don't really know exactly what to say but I know people want to know, what is going on????? I have written a few posts and just deleted them, not really for public consumption I guess. December and January were hard months. I realized that there were delays coming and then I got confirmation that there are a lot of delays coming, big ones. The referral time has now increased to 12-18months. Wow.
There are a lot of changes going on in Uganda. The courts are really cracking down and the requirements are very strict. Which of course is a good thing. Of course it is. BUT, it is hard to have thought we would be traveling by spring to think we may not even get a referral till next spring. It really is a big roller coaster ride.
I wish I had taken it all in stride, that I was filled with peace. I was definitely NOT filled with peace, I want my babies now:) Then I turn it over and God meets me, like He always does. The situation has not changed but my view has. It is always better to trust and believe, just hard to do. There is so much going on in my head, so many things I have read and heard. Adoption is all kinds of shades of gray, it is not just helping an orphan. It is not so cut dried as I once believed. It has broken my heart and made me thankful for the delays. Thankful that there are safeguards in place, that stories are being authenticated before children leave the country. I look at it with a mother's heart, a heart that would move heaven and earth before I let my child go. The world is a dark place and there are dark things that go on.
I do believe in redemption though, that God can take those dark things and make them new. That God can take something born of loss and pain and give it a hope and a future. I am excited for the future, just aware that it might not have pretty paper and a big pretty bow. I believe this is what we are called to, that God will use this to show Himself. That the child or children coming into our family are coming into a house of love, a house that prays for them, a house that talks about them every day, multiple times a day. I am so blessed to have the life I have, the children I have. What a gift they are. I cannot wait till the day we are all together.
I am reading this back and I can feel the heaviness. Should I post, should I not? But it is what it is. God is good and He has this in His hands. I really feel like I will look back on all the delays and say, oooohhhhh that's why that happened!
So that's the scoop. We are waiting. I am trying to wait with grace, to wait with the bigger picture in mind........
There are a lot of changes going on in Uganda. The courts are really cracking down and the requirements are very strict. Which of course is a good thing. Of course it is. BUT, it is hard to have thought we would be traveling by spring to think we may not even get a referral till next spring. It really is a big roller coaster ride.
I wish I had taken it all in stride, that I was filled with peace. I was definitely NOT filled with peace, I want my babies now:) Then I turn it over and God meets me, like He always does. The situation has not changed but my view has. It is always better to trust and believe, just hard to do. There is so much going on in my head, so many things I have read and heard. Adoption is all kinds of shades of gray, it is not just helping an orphan. It is not so cut dried as I once believed. It has broken my heart and made me thankful for the delays. Thankful that there are safeguards in place, that stories are being authenticated before children leave the country. I look at it with a mother's heart, a heart that would move heaven and earth before I let my child go. The world is a dark place and there are dark things that go on.
I do believe in redemption though, that God can take those dark things and make them new. That God can take something born of loss and pain and give it a hope and a future. I am excited for the future, just aware that it might not have pretty paper and a big pretty bow. I believe this is what we are called to, that God will use this to show Himself. That the child or children coming into our family are coming into a house of love, a house that prays for them, a house that talks about them every day, multiple times a day. I am so blessed to have the life I have, the children I have. What a gift they are. I cannot wait till the day we are all together.
I am reading this back and I can feel the heaviness. Should I post, should I not? But it is what it is. God is good and He has this in His hands. I really feel like I will look back on all the delays and say, oooohhhhh that's why that happened!
So that's the scoop. We are waiting. I am trying to wait with grace, to wait with the bigger picture in mind........
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Fun Family Weekend
We had the best time last weekend. I had a crazy idea to get out of town so we did it! So unlike us to be so spontaneous but we had a blast. We went to a Christmas concert called The Story Tour. It was really good, but not really for kids. We kept looking at each other and laughing as we walked in, all we could see was adults! It was distracting when every minute or so one of them would ask if it was time to leave!! Oh well, I really enjoyed the part we saw, even if we did leave 45min early!
By far the best part for the boys was staying in a hotel. They were so so excited and couldn't believe they were so lucky!! Jack's favorite parts were 1. staying together as a family and 2. The all you can eat breakfast!!!! I got to eat whatever I wanted!!!! waffles and cereal!!!!! Luke's favorite parts - whatever Jack said!! It was really fun though. Everyone slept well, i.e. Luke and I in our bed sleeping away didn't get the same wake-up call that Kenny got. Jack was up and fidgeting from about 2-4am. Oh well, you win some you lose some! Just glad I was on the winning end of that one!
Then we went to Old Salem for the morning. Somehow it was a lot smaller than I remembered! It was fun though. I am always blown away by the amount of work it took just to live not so long ago. I picture what my days would have looked like- no running water, cooking over an open hearth. No thank you! Seriously, so so much work. I can't picture doing it all and having small children.....
Then we ate lunch at Sweet Potatoes in downtown Winston Salem. It was so good!! They sponsor a few children from the Amani Baby Cottage in Uganda. The bartender's daughter was going to be leaving soon to go spend about 6 weeks with Katie Davis!!!! What a small world! They had a really fun vibe, lots of African art.
One funny thing that happened was an African American Santa walked in. Jack looked at him for a few minutes and said he was not the real Santa. I asked him if it was because he had brown skin. Jack said yes. So then we talked about how if he had brown skin wouldn't he want his Santa to have brown skin too? He grinned and said yes, and that Chinese children probably want a Chinese Santa! It really made me think though. All of our nativity sets and Santas are white. I guess I need to diversify!!! Luke ran right up to him asking for a candy cane, no surprise there! I got a few pictures, really need to be better about that!!
Don't really know what this was, Luke kept calling them doghouses.....
Walking on a wall, what boy doesn't love that
And now, it is time to go!!!!!
Such a fun, fun weekend!!!
By far the best part for the boys was staying in a hotel. They were so so excited and couldn't believe they were so lucky!! Jack's favorite parts were 1. staying together as a family and 2. The all you can eat breakfast!!!! I got to eat whatever I wanted!!!! waffles and cereal!!!!! Luke's favorite parts - whatever Jack said!! It was really fun though. Everyone slept well, i.e. Luke and I in our bed sleeping away didn't get the same wake-up call that Kenny got. Jack was up and fidgeting from about 2-4am. Oh well, you win some you lose some! Just glad I was on the winning end of that one!
Then we went to Old Salem for the morning. Somehow it was a lot smaller than I remembered! It was fun though. I am always blown away by the amount of work it took just to live not so long ago. I picture what my days would have looked like- no running water, cooking over an open hearth. No thank you! Seriously, so so much work. I can't picture doing it all and having small children.....
Then we ate lunch at Sweet Potatoes in downtown Winston Salem. It was so good!! They sponsor a few children from the Amani Baby Cottage in Uganda. The bartender's daughter was going to be leaving soon to go spend about 6 weeks with Katie Davis!!!! What a small world! They had a really fun vibe, lots of African art.
One funny thing that happened was an African American Santa walked in. Jack looked at him for a few minutes and said he was not the real Santa. I asked him if it was because he had brown skin. Jack said yes. So then we talked about how if he had brown skin wouldn't he want his Santa to have brown skin too? He grinned and said yes, and that Chinese children probably want a Chinese Santa! It really made me think though. All of our nativity sets and Santas are white. I guess I need to diversify!!! Luke ran right up to him asking for a candy cane, no surprise there! I got a few pictures, really need to be better about that!!
Don't really know what this was, Luke kept calling them doghouses.....
Walking on a wall, what boy doesn't love that
And now, it is time to go!!!!!
Such a fun, fun weekend!!!
Give me Jesus
I am sitting here in floods. Literally floods of tears. Tears of sorrow, tears of gratefulness, tears of longing , tears of peace, tears for the overwhelming goodness of our God. I am blown away by this season, this arrival of the Christ Child. This child who came and became a man, became our Saviour. He was a man of sorrows, a man well acquainted with our human ways and for that I am grateful. I take peace in the fact that He cried tears and knew the frailty of our heart, our very spirit. I also take great peace in the fact that He is WAY bigger than that. That He left His throne and walked this earth, all the while keeping an eye on the heavenly, the divine, the sacred. I mean He WAS heavenly, divine, and sacred. That He was in fact God. He had seen the end, He knew the end already.... That He chose to suffer and die anyway. That love compelled Him to move through His earthly life, pointing the way and setting us free.
I think about the stable and the night He came to earth. How Mary must have felt holding him. How she truly probably had no idea what it really all meant. I wonder what it must have been like seeing Him grow, seeing the divine shine through. That Messiah was here, the great longing was fulfilled in her son, in her very presence. I think we all have it, a longing for something more...for something Holy and sacred, for peace, for the end of suffering. I am filled with such a joy, such a peace to know that Jesus gave us a way.
I have been thinking a lot about shepherds too. Chris did a sermon the other day and it has really stuck with me. I didn't know that shepherds were considered one step above lepers. That they were plain and crass, unfit for proper society. That one night they were just going about their business and bam- thousands and thousands of angels announcing Christ's birth. I picture darkness being split open and pure, holy light filling the sky. I love that the angels came to them. I feel their plainness, I feel at times like they must have- a stranger in their own land.
I am trying to show my kids this. How this time is amazing, how faith is amazing, how this day marks a new beginning. The way to life. The way to God. How this is precious and not to be taken for granted. I feel like I fail in this all the time though. That I have been busy this week, buying this and that, cleaning, cooking, all the mundane things of life. It really is hard for me to focus on the true meaning of Christmas. I love presents- giving and receiving them. I love wrapping them up and anticipating the opening of them. I love the magic of it all. I get too wrapped up in the material things though. Presents are fun, I think they have their place and who doesn't love to watch a child's face light up??
I was brought to my knees today though. Somehow through the fog I saw Jesus. I clicked on a blog link and heard this song. I heard His voice and He was telling me to stop. to hear. to focus. This song touched my soul, it touched my core. Because really truly, when it all comes down to it isn't Jesus all we have? Isn't it the root of all that is good and perfect in our life? Isn't that what we really long for?
It is a simple song, a simple prayer. Give me Jesus.
I think about the stable and the night He came to earth. How Mary must have felt holding him. How she truly probably had no idea what it really all meant. I wonder what it must have been like seeing Him grow, seeing the divine shine through. That Messiah was here, the great longing was fulfilled in her son, in her very presence. I think we all have it, a longing for something more...for something Holy and sacred, for peace, for the end of suffering. I am filled with such a joy, such a peace to know that Jesus gave us a way.
I have been thinking a lot about shepherds too. Chris did a sermon the other day and it has really stuck with me. I didn't know that shepherds were considered one step above lepers. That they were plain and crass, unfit for proper society. That one night they were just going about their business and bam- thousands and thousands of angels announcing Christ's birth. I picture darkness being split open and pure, holy light filling the sky. I love that the angels came to them. I feel their plainness, I feel at times like they must have- a stranger in their own land.
I am trying to show my kids this. How this time is amazing, how faith is amazing, how this day marks a new beginning. The way to life. The way to God. How this is precious and not to be taken for granted. I feel like I fail in this all the time though. That I have been busy this week, buying this and that, cleaning, cooking, all the mundane things of life. It really is hard for me to focus on the true meaning of Christmas. I love presents- giving and receiving them. I love wrapping them up and anticipating the opening of them. I love the magic of it all. I get too wrapped up in the material things though. Presents are fun, I think they have their place and who doesn't love to watch a child's face light up??
I was brought to my knees today though. Somehow through the fog I saw Jesus. I clicked on a blog link and heard this song. I heard His voice and He was telling me to stop. to hear. to focus. This song touched my soul, it touched my core. Because really truly, when it all comes down to it isn't Jesus all we have? Isn't it the root of all that is good and perfect in our life? Isn't that what we really long for?
It is a simple song, a simple prayer. Give me Jesus.
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